Monday, April 9, 2007

AINSLEY WALKS! Today was a big day! This morning during playtime with Daddy, Ainsley decided to finally show how easy it is for her to walk wherever and whenever she wants. She stepped down on the floor and was walking effortlessly all over the place, even taking the time to bend down and pick things up along the way (like Daddy’s flip-flops).

Ainsley will also now sit and play by herself for a couple of hours at a time. She has a great time and seems to enjoy organizing things, stacking cups, looking at picture books, playing with various odds and ends like random pieces of paper (and anything else she can get her hands on), and crawling all over Daddy. She is very particular about certain things as she plays. She seems to have a very specific way of placing things and setting up her play area. As you watch her, this becomes very obvious. Interesting. Could she be a little “type A” like her Daddy? (Please pray for her now!)

Morning playtime has become a fun routine the past few days as Ainsley wakes up and gets on the bed with Daddy for an hour or two of playtime before her bath and breakfast (not sure if this is the best order of events, but we are just going with the flow right now). When she plays, and at other times throughout the day, she now makes some really funny noises and does some really funny things. Today, for example, she took Daddy’s cell phone and held it up to her ear. She then made little noises as if she was really talking.

With all of the excitement of walking and playing and having fun today, we would be remiss if we did not practice full disclosure and also note that Ainsley had another meltdown toddler temper tantrum today right after her breakfast. Obviously, Daddy is not going to embarrass Ainsley by posting pictures of her in her worst moments (though it is tempting), but it is important to let everyone know that the days are not devoid of very challenging moments. There is so much joy in this journey, but it is not without sacrifice like Daddy has never known before. So, one thing we do not want to do with these updates, which focus on the many happy and fun times for obvious reasons, is to imply that every day is 100% full of bliss with no setbacks, self-doubt, or second-guessing. (We especially don’t want to do this for the sake of setting up wrong expectations for other adoptive families who may be reading this site.)

The reality is that this is hard work! And there are very hard times throughout each day. All the parents reading this right now are probably smiling and saying “DUH!” And that is fine. But it is important to remember that the dynamics of the challenges and difficulties take on even more complexity in the adoption context, particularly as we struggle to know how to ensure the proper (and absolutely essential) bonding takes place during these crucial first weeks. There is a delicate balance, it seems, between bonding that is appropriate and driven by a loving and caring heart towards the best interest of the child, and bonding that is counterproductive because it is not drive by the best interest of the child but by fear and guilt on the part of the parent(s). These are very complex issues. And for every person reading these updates, there are almost certainly the same number of opinions on what to do. Grace upon grace is needed as we all try to do the right thing. It cannot be overstated how difficult the challenges are for adoptive parents and their child during these early weeks and months.

All in all, Ainsley is doing exceptionally well and has made it much easier on us than many others whose stories we are hearing each day. For this, Daddy and the “traveling grandmas” are grateful. Even so, the process of bonding and breaking through barriers with Ainsley is challenging and requires so much patience and a delicate balance of tenderness and toughness, none of which comes naturally to Daddy (except maybe the toughness since Daddy is pretty much an impatient, matter-of-fact, suck-it-up, get-over-it, kind of guy). Nothing like a baby to show you the staggering selfishness that is within us!

Despite any of the sacrifices or challenges, the reward is greater (but sometimes it is necessary to remind ourselves of this)!

“FIRSTS FOR THE DAY”
(some of these may or may not really be the first time Ainsley has done something, but right now they are definitely “firsts” with her new family)

• AINSLEY WALKS!! She walked all over the place today, getting into everything, without holding on to anything! We are in big trouble now! This curious, adventurous, strong-willed child is now completely mobile!
• Ainsley picked up Daddy’s cell phone and put it to her ear like she was talking on the phone