Friday, May 12, 2006
This update will be brief for several reasons. First of all, my
laptop
is not working so I am in the business center at the White Swan
and
Sophie is running around crushing bits of cereal into the
carpet.
Thankfully they have a small office that I can sit in and allow
her free run of
the place.
The second reason is because today was very long,
difficult
and painful. Much more for Sophie than for me. We visited the SWI this
morning after an early check out of the hotel. We arrived to
several
nannies running and excitedly talking to Sophie, asking her to
let them
hold her. She refused and I could tell by the look on her face
that just
being there was very difficult for her. The nannies started
calling
Sophie's nanny on her cell phone and we all anxiously, nervously
awaited
her arrival. Soon she came out and it was extremely emotional to
see her
and to see Sophie see her again. In Sophie's eyes she is her
mama, as
much as any child in an orphanage can know a mother. Sophie
started to
cry loudly at that point, and I wondered why I had come to the
SWI.
Sophie hesitated a few moments and then went to her and
continued to cry,
obviously confused and conflicted. The nanny gave her a bag of
treats
and she calmed down a little. I was so torn, wanting to protect
Sophie,
but I also wanted her to have time to be with her nanny before
she had
to say goodbye.
The director gave me a very brief tour of the SWI, but
would not allow any photographs of the children. I wanted to get
some
pics for some waiting families, but I was not allowed. When it
was time
to leave it all went from difficult to impossible. Sophie flatly
refused
to come to me and clung to her nanny. So the nanny brought her
to the
van and placed her inside. I didn't know what to do, I just had
to get
in and try to console her. She fought me tooth and nail,
flailing and
screaming 'mama' for her nanny, scratching, biting and trying to
get to
the window. She cried for about 30 minutes while I held her,
trying to
not cry myself.
We drove to her finding spot which was a sad
experience
only made more emotional by what she had just endured. We took
video
and pictures and left. Not knowing what else to do, I asked the
guide to
take us to a local store so we could get out of the car and walk
around. Once in the toy section she calmed down and stopped
crying. We looked
around a bit, and then went to lunch where she ate a good bit of
noodles and vegetables.
We arrived at the airport at 1:00 but
due to fog our
flight was delayed. During this wait Sophie was acting out a
bit in
the middle of the airport (i.e. dozens of Chinese people watching
a blond
lady with a Chinese baby, with black and blue eyes, try to stop
her
child from hitting her in the face). It was not pretty. I think
she is
acting out because she has mixed feelings toward me now, and I
cannot blame
her. Due to the kindness of strangers we were able to get on the
5:00
flight instead of having to wait until 8:00. Our luggage even
arrived,
thank You, God :) I truly felt like God was encouraging me after
a long
and painful day.
The White Swan was a welcomed sight, we even
stopped
at McDonald's for some comfort food. Honestly I cannot say that
if I had
to do it over again, I would visit the SWI. But I am going to do
my
best to help my sweet girl adjust and overcome the losses she
has endured
in her short life. |
Arriving at the SWI
Sophie's nanny arrives
This is heartbreaking
Nanny comforting Sophie
Group shot, nannies and director |
